Monday, August 20, 2012

So basically, I don't respect anyone

Lily: Lately, I've been super obsessed with Pinterest. I'll spend hours and hours on there, just repinning things I think look pretty.

Yesterday, I came across this gem of a blog post: 25 Ways to Communicate Respect To Your Husband. As a woman who is getting married soon, I decided to look through it. Maybe it'll have something interesting. 

Tits: So I opened this link and the first thing I noticed is that the writer looks like an old-timey religious Mormon that has sister wives and lives to obey her husband. Not really a great role model to follow (btw, I don't think she actually is one of those Mormons)

Nugs: The first thing I noticed is that this woman is batshit fucking insane.

Ginny: I'm going to just walk up to my boyfriend and say "I'm praying for you" and walk away. Totally not creepy.

Perfectly normal!

While there are some things that make sense (despite being a little too religious-y for my taste), there are other points that are WTFs. 

Keep the house tidy. Isn't that kind of a given? I mean, why would anyone want to live in a pigsty. But, how is this showing that I respect my [future] husband?

Nugs: This would actually be more for me. When people come to my house I like to follow them around with paper towel and coasters. As long as they've graduated to "aiming for the bowl," guys usually don't give a shit about a this.

No pun intended.

Dress to please him. "Choose clothes your husband finds flattering, both in public and around the house". LOLWUT? First of all, I buy my own clothes. I think I have a better idea of what looks good on my body. If it were up to Ivan, I'd probably always have to wear a shirt that exposes the girls. So, yeah no. Stupid point.

Tits: If I had to dress for my boyfriends, I would have to buy new clothes each go around. Imac would have me in nothing but booty shorts, Meathole guy would probably just had me topless and College guy loved me in dresses and miniskirts. My wardrobing budget cannot handle dressing to please a man.

Nugs: So basically, just be naked then? That's the real hidden message here.

Are these really the things I need to do to respect my husband? How is "preparing his favorite food" a sign of respect? I'm not going to feed him stuff he doesn't like (Read: seafood), but I'm not going to go out of my way to make his favorite food often. On a special occasion, yes. On a regular Tuesday. NO.

Nugs: This really should say "keep beer in the fridge."

Tits: Also weed on the table and make him a goddamn sandwich every 3 hours 

Ginny: Beer is totally a meal and easy to prepare.

Don't complain. Fuck we're screwed. I guess I shouldn't get married.

Tits: Seriously? I mean so I'm just supposed to let him watch ghost hunters, clip his toenails at the kitchen table,  and fart on me and not bitch at him? I'm okay with being a cat lady now

Ginny: crap. I will never be able to keep anyone happy.

One of my favorite points is this: 

Respond Physically: Did you know that the way you respond (or don't respond) to your husband's romantic overtures has a profound effect on his self-confidence? Don't slap him away when he tries to hug you or make excuses when he's in the mood. Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure him of your love, but will make him feel well-respected, too. 
You don't say, Mrs. Flanders! But, what if, I'm not in the mood? You just can't have sex when you're not in the mood.

Nugs: That sounds an awful lot like, uh, rape. Just sayin.

Ginny: So you need to use your body to prove you love him? Awesome.

If your husband respects you, he'll understand if you're not in the mood... and if he doesn't, well he can take himself to the bathroom. At least this is what I think.

I don't know about all this. I can't just show my respect by being a good listener, a good lover (bow chicka bow wow and other wise), a friend, a good partner? Maybe I'm just going to suck at the whole marriage thing. So would that make me a "Satanic emissary trying to destroy families"?

Tits: I don't know, how about just respecting them period. I mean I don't make my BF's watch Project Runway or the Yankees and they don't force me to watch Jersey Shore or the Kardashians. I think this is the most respect you can have in a relationship.

Nugs: OK, but even Satan's wife probably complained about the heat from the seventh circle sometimes. What is this bitch, Amish?

No. Just no.

Ginny: It's a two way street. You both need to show respect to each other. This article is very oneside and looks like it was written in 1950.



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