Nugs: That sounds like the start of every failed relationship I've been in since college. So I can already see where this is going.
Tits: This makes me feel slightly better about being a serial dater except I have never met a guy at a bar. Like I can't pick up men at a bar because I'm a bitch or something. Anyways carry on.
Boston circa 2008ish? I'm not quite sure. I'm at a show at Great Scott with two of my friends. I happen to spot a guy that I had dated briefly that completely blew me off (that's another story for another time). I can only imagine the look on my face when I walked up to the bar. When you see a guy that hurt you the Ginny solution is to get another drink.
Nugs: And this is why we're friends.
Tits: Yep that's the best solution to that problem.
Lily: Ditto. Because as Homer Simpson said:
I order my beer and sit down next to this guy because it was the only seat open at the bar and he was kind of cute. I had a feeling he was going to start talking to me and he did. Good, I thought. I hope that asshat who blew me off was watching this.
Lily: I just want to sidebar for a second to say I love asshat as an insult!
I'm going to call my new friend at the bar liquid lunch which will be explained later on (although I think you can figure out why already).
Liquid lunch and I seem to get along pretty well. We chat through the whole show and he buys me a drink or two. At the end of the night he gets my number and we agree to meet up soon. He works not too far from me so we figure lunch might be a good place to start.
Two days later and I'm walking towards a bar/restaurant to meet liquid lunch for lunch. When I walk in he's drinking a martini. Ok, I'm not going to judge. I know I can drink a lot but I don't drink during my lunch break at work. But again, that's me.
Tits: He ordered drinks before you got there. I find that a little rude. Red Flag
I sit down at the bar and we chat as I look over the menu. I put in my order for food and ask liquid lunch if he's getting anything since he wasn't looking at a menu.
"Nah, I'm doing a liquid lunch."
Nugs: That seriously would have been my cue to "excuse myself to the bathroom" and then climb out the window. But I'm also incredibly curious to see where this is going.
Curious like a trainwreck.
Lily: And you can't look away .... Like a moth to a flame.
I didn't really know how to react to that so I just said ok and tried to continue the conversation. As I'm drinking my water and eating my food liquid lunch orders a shot. He tried to get one for me too and I tell him no thanks, so he does my shot as well (Lily: dafuq?! I can only guess how lunch is going to end).
Lunch time is over and I'm full and sober and liquid lunch smells like a bar. At least he ate the olives in the martini (Lily: That is better than nothing.).
Tits: What kind of work does he do that he can go back to work smelling like booze? Because I need that job.
Nugs: Strongly agree.
Ginny: I wish I could remember!
I was a bit thrown by our lunch date but decided to give him one more chance. We meet up for dinner and drinks (of course) a few nights later. Liquid lunch is drinking beer, mixed drinks and doing shots. I stick to beer. I also had to drive so I wasn't going to go crazy.
I drive liquid lunch back to his place and he asks if I want to come up and watch a movie (Nugs: Translation: "Let's get naked"). I tell him I can come up for a few minutes but I'm not staying long (Nugs: Translation: "You will never see me naked"). Mostly I just wanted some water. He shows me where to park and I ask him if he is sure the spot is ok because it's Boston and parking is horrible. He assures me it's fine, this is the parking for where he lives.
Once inside I realize that I just want to go home. We chat for a couple minutes and then he offers to walk me to my car. We go outside and my car is not there.
I look at liquid lunch.
"You said that spot was fine!"
"It is, I swear! Someone must have stolen your car!"
We go back inside and I call the nearest tow place. They said they don't have it. The whole time liquid lunch is loudly telling me to call the police not the tow place.
I ignore liquid lunch and call two other tow lots. The third lot has it. Thank god. I tell this to liquid lunch and he starts ranting about how my car should not have been towed even though he does not rent that spot! Could you have told me this earlier?
Pardon my language but you are a f($*&%^ idiot. That's what I should have said but instead I called a cab to take me to my car. I ask him to come with me.
Ginny: Nope, no car and no offer to pay for said cab.
"Are you going to come with me?"
"No, I have to get up early tomorrow."
I look at him like he has to be joking. But he was totally serious. I was so pissed I didn't even think about how much money getting my car out would cost until I stormed out and got in the cab. He texts me asking me to let him know when I get there.
Nugs: Thanks. What a fucking gentleman.
Asshat.
When I get to the lot I find out that it's $160.00. I text this back to him and his response is "that sucks."
Now if this happened now I would have lost my shit. I never would have left, I would have made him pay to get my damn car out. I would like to smack that Ginny for not standing up for herself. Instead I just ignored all of his texts and phone calls and never spoke to him again. Liquid lunch even had the balls to text me "did I do something wrong?" after I stopped responding.
Yes, yes you did do something wrong you asshole. Thank you for assuring me that that spot was fine and then not offering to come with me or pay to get my car out. Good thing you don't know 2012 Ginny because I would have gone Mel Gibson crazy on your ass (minus the racial slurs, that's not cool).
Nugs: OK, 1) Could you maybe have picked a MORE CONVENIENT TIME to bring up that you didn't rent that spot?
And B) What in the motherfucking "Call Me Maybe" sing-along hell is this shit? What kind of dickhead manages to get his date's car towed and then doesn't go with her to get it out of impound? You, sir, are an asshole.
BABY SEAL) It may be time to switch to water. Just a suggestion.
DD) You, sir, are an asshole.
Tits: I'm pretty sure he's going to die alone with a liquor bottle in his hand, so I'm going to call this a win for you Ginny because you didn't get bogged down with dating him. I mean could you imagine if you didn't find out what a complete loser he was until after you had dated him 2 months.
Lily: I honestly cannot believe this douchebag! I'll go back in time and punch him for you, Gin.
Ginny: Instead of Hot Tub Time Machine it's Revenge Time Machine
2 comments:
First mistake: You gave him a second chance. I am fine with a liquid lunch, but it is not for the first time meeting someone.
Whattalilfucker
Moral of the story, don't go upstairs if he already has about ten strikes against him.
Have you sent him the bill yet?!?
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