Thursday, August 2, 2012

Tit's Rules of Dating: Guys are Weird

It seems only fair that my inaugural post on this blog is about my love life or lack thereof. Since it was Nugs and I discussing our weird-ass dating lives that prompted us to start this blog.

Nugs: It also seems fair that the inaugural post on this blog should be an explosion of wit, self-mockery and shameless sexploitation that all of your creative, dynamic and intellectual co-authors are so maturely exalted for, just so you can get a feel as to what you'll be perusing through for however long we decide to keep this going.

Haha. "Feel." (Lily: *giggle*)

Anyone who has been keeping tabs on my personal blog might have see that I have been seeing a new guy. Well that's over, and like with every failed relationship I called Nugs to discuss it. And in the discussing it, we couldn't come to a consensus with what was going on with this guy.

Nugs: How is he not yet fall-on-your-ass in love with you? Your name is Tits. You're super nerdy. You're friends with us. I don't understand this.



So we thought we'd let the internet decide what was going on. So I met this guy online and while I don't take too much stock in online dating, this guy was a winner. He was cute, funny, smart and charming and nerdy. He wasn't perfect but he was the closest I have ever come to finding it. We went out on a total of 5 dates, which isn't that many but it's enough to know if you like a person or not.

And I liked him and I got the impression that he liked me. He would text me "good morning" like every day and we'd text all day (or at least what was reasonable between working). He would answer mine (and Nugs') random questions on his opinions of Dragons and Narwhals. Also this convo happened:

Tits: Enterprise vs. Millenium Falcon: Go
Him: MF. Hands Down
Tits: Swoon

Nugs: NO. The technology used to create the Enterprise would destroy the Millennium Falcon in like thirty seconds before the MF even lined up its shot. Also, Borg Queen vs. Jabba the Hut? The Queen is the WAY better villain and oh sorry, wrong thing to focus on right now. Carry on.

We bonded over Ninja Turles being more awesome than Power Rangers and he even suggested we dress up like April and Casey for Halloween. Then date 5 came around and we were making out pretty hot and heavy in my bed, and after an hour I was like "Why am I still wearing pants?"And things started going downhill. He pretty much turned me down for sex, being like "I have reservations about you and if we sleep together it is something and you're thinking about moving to Florida and I don't want to get into something that has an end date."

Nugs: What is he, a woman? All you wanted was to see this dude naked. Doesn't mean you're going to draw up invitations.

Admittedly, I did do your genetic mash-up in my head. Your kids would have been smoking hot.


Call me, maybe?
God, I am SO sorry for that.

Ginny: Why do guys always think having sex means we want to get married and have kids and buy a pony? We can be like dudes too!

Lily: Totes! Gah! Guys think they're the only ones that can have NSA sex. 

Nugs: Wait. There are ponies?

Listen that is a fair point, (Nugs: About the ponies?I am thinking about moving but not till February and even then it's not set in stone that I am going to go. I might move in Feb. I might move in 10 years, and I told him that repeatedly.

He went home and I wallowed about no sex. We continued texting every day like nothing had happened, until finally on Saturday I pulled my courage together and asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner as I was making homemade spaghetti and meatballs. (Nugs: I'm in.) He was like "I don't think for dinner, but I'll come hang out later."

This is when all my red flag whistles and bells started going off. I come from a "He's just not that into you" school of dating and in the movie they even say "If he's not sleeping with you he's just not that into you." And dammit if he isn't sleeping with your or willing to eat your food there is a problem. So I confronted him on it and while he said that:

  • "You're awesome and cute and smart and funny and nerdy and witty"
  • "I like everything about you"
  • "I'm attracted to you"

He just doesn't feel a "fire" for me- basically he friendzoned me. Now I'm the kind of girl that takes people at their word. Nugs tends to have a different perspective on what men do and why they do it.

Nugs: I came to the reasonable conclusion that he is blind, deaf, mentally retarded and also gay. Oh, and has a small penis.

Lily: +1 on everything, and X1000 on the small penis. Or no penis.

I say exactly what I think and do and I don't hide behind excuses. So when he says he's just not that into me, I take his word at that.

Nugs: Seriously, I think it's the opposite- he IS that into you. He really likes you, but doesn't want something that will end when you (supposedly) leave the state in six months. It's a bullshit excuse, and also one that reeks of "I'm really a girl," but whatever. You're his perfect girlfriend, but he's too afraid to get involved because, like he said, there's an "end date." Whatever. Move on, see other people, and hopefully eventually he'll come around. If not, it's his loss.

I told him I still really liked him and that if his feelings changed he could call me, but I was going to start seeing other people. So internet world, what do you think?

Ginny: See other people. This guy wouldn't eat your home cooking and you deserve someone who is knocking down your door! I agree with Nugs. Small penis?

2 comments:

Harley on August 2, 2012 at 9:16 AM said...

HE WOULDN'T EAT YOUR SPAGHETTI.

I say death by meatballs. What a douche. He doesn't deserve you.

+1 for the small penis.

Tabitha on August 2, 2012 at 11:50 AM said...

I am in agreement with everything the others said.

Dude is actually a chick. Seriously. See other people. It's his loss.

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