Finding Love on AOL

Ivan and I first met while we were in high school. It was the summer between my freshman and sophomore years. I spent a lot of time that summer partying. Well, that was the year all of my friends turned 15, and since we’re all Mexican, we were all having quineañeras (they’re like Sweet Sixteen parties, only more religious, and they have lots of booze). When I wasn’t partying, I was spending time at home being really lame.

Tits: I didn't have a quineañeras or a sweet sixteen. I feel like I missed out a ball gown and a chance to get cash.

Nugs: You had booze at 15? Then again, Jews drink wine at Passover when we're like, eight, which is probably why we're such good friends. 

Ginny: I've been to a few quineañeras. I was the albino white girl living in a Spanish neighborhood. They are FUN!

I started chatting it up on AOL Teens chat. And that is where I met my future husband. We never exchanged pictures, and only talked on the phone for hours before we actually met in person. We dated on and off throughout high school and when I left for college, we didn’t talk at all.

Hope no one needs the phone line!

Nugs: You know you were a 90's kid when...

Ginny: You know I always wanted to meet my boyfriend in a chat room. I'm not even kidding, this was back when people my age actually used chat rooms and not just spam bots for porn.

I stopped going in chatrooms after this (except for the 20sb one).

It wasn’t until 3 years ago that he called me because he wanted to get back together. I didn’t really want to because I knew we would just break up and get back together. I said no, but I agreed to be friends and I was surprised that he went for that. 

Nugs: I'm not. Guys always agree to be "friends" because there's always the possibility of something else.

Ginny: Wait he just contacted you out of the blue??

Yeah! He said he found my phone number while he was cleaning out his old room at his parent's house. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I'm pretty sure he just memorized it.

After a while, I started having feelings for him again and I was really angry at myself (and so were a lot of my friends). I don’t know why I allowed myself to have feelings for someone who had repeatedly broken up with me for stupid reasons. But, I did, and with a stern warning from my friends, I proceeded into this relationship.

I don’t remember ever going out on a date with Ivan in high school. Maybe we did and I’m intentionally blocking it out because it was that horrible. Our first “date” was about a year after we got back together. This sounds really bad, but, the first year we were together I was working a horrible job with horrible hours, and I was in school, and he was working nights. We had little to no mutual days off. It was a really bad 1^st year.

I had finally graduated and got a new job. We went out to celebrate that I was no longer working in retail hell. We went to dinner and had a really great time. Yet, we still wanted to be out and not go back to his house. So we decided to go watch a movie. X-Men First Class was recently released in theaters, so I told him I wanted to watch it. He was really confused why a girl really wanted to watch a comic book movie.

Tits: He obviously hasn't met us. Nugs would rather give up sex than miss the newest release of a comic book movie. She probably saw Batman & Robin in theaters.

Nugs: You don't know my life.

We searched for a movie theater that didn't have a lot of obnoxious patrons. Which in Chicago it's really hard to find. I took the executive decision to just go to a movie theater downtown. So, going to a movie theater downtown isn't so much of an issue. There's really no obnoxious ghetto kids talking throughout the movie, or anything really, prices are the same and the actual auditorium is smaller, and they have comfier (I did not know that was how you spelled that word- weird) seats.

We drove around for about 30 minutes trying to find a a place to park on the street. Everything single street had tow zone signs all over. Finally we found a spot, but it was a 15 minute limit. The movie was about to start, so I just told him to find the next parking garage that seemed reasonable. 

Ginny: I feel your pain living in Boston. Parking spot? What is this thing you call a parking spot?

We ended up parking across the street. The garage said it was $7 per hour. At most we'd be paying $21. I volunteered to pay for parking. We watch the movie, had popcorn and I finally felt like I was in a relationship that was leading somewhere.

We hung around downtown after the movie before going back to the garage. I put the little ticket into the machine to pay for parking. I saw the total and it was $50! There must have been some mistake. We weren't there for that long, at most the total should have been $28. Apparently, we don't know how to read. The $7 an hour rate only applied to parking Monday through Friday between the hours of 6am and 10 am .... this is mentioned in like 4 point font. (Nugs: Of course it is.) I paid the stupid $50. Needless to say, we don't go to the movies downtown anymore.

No matter how small the font.

Tit's Rules of Dating: Guys are Weird

It seems only fair that my inaugural post on this blog is about my love life or lack thereof. Since it was Nugs and I discussing our weird-ass dating lives that prompted us to start this blog.

Nugs: It also seems fair that the inaugural post on this blog should be an explosion of wit, self-mockery and shameless sexploitation that all of your creative, dynamic and intellectual co-authors are so maturely exalted for, just so you can get a feel as to what you'll be perusing through for however long we decide to keep this going.

Haha. "Feel." (Lily: *giggle*)

Anyone who has been keeping tabs on my personal blog might have see that I have been seeing a new guy. Well that's over, and like with every failed relationship I called Nugs to discuss it. And in the discussing it, we couldn't come to a consensus with what was going on with this guy.

Nugs: How is he not yet fall-on-your-ass in love with you? Your name is Tits. You're super nerdy. You're friends with us. I don't understand this.

So we thought we'd let the internet decide what was going on. So I met this guy online and while I don't take too much stock in online dating, this guy was a winner. He was cute, funny, smart and charming and nerdy. He wasn't perfect but he was the closest I have ever come to finding it. We went out on a total of 5 dates, which isn't that many but it's enough to know if you like a person or not.

And I liked him and I got the impression that he liked me. He would text me "good morning" like every day and we'd text all day (or at least what was reasonable between working). He would answer mine (and Nugs') random questions on his opinions of Dragons and Narwhals. Also this convo happened:

Tits: Enterprise vs. Millenium Falcon: Go
Him: MF. Hands Down
Tits: Swoon

Nugs: NO. The technology used to create the Enterprise would destroy the Millennium Falcon in like thirty seconds before the MF even lined up its shot. Also, Borg Queen vs. Jabba the Hut? The Queen is the WAY better villain and oh sorry, wrong thing to focus on right now. Carry on.

We bonded over Ninja Turles being more awesome than Power Rangers and he even suggested we dress up like April and Casey for Halloween. Then date 5 came around and we were making out pretty hot and heavy in my bed, and after an hour I was like "Why am I still wearing pants?"And things started going downhill. He pretty much turned me down for sex, being like "I have reservations about you and if we sleep together it is something and you're thinking about moving to Florida and I don't want to get into something that has an end date."

Nugs: What is he, a woman? All you wanted was to see this dude naked. Doesn't mean you're going to draw up invitations.

Admittedly, I did do your genetic mash-up in my head. Your kids would have been smoking hot.

Call me, maybe?
God, I am SO sorry for that.

Ginny: Why do guys always think having sex means we want to get married and have kids and buy a pony? We can be like dudes too!

Lily: Totes! Gah! Guys think they're the only ones that can have NSA sex. 

Nugs: Wait. There are ponies?

Listen that is a fair point, (Nugs: About the ponies?) I am thinking about moving but not till February and even then it's not set in stone that I am going to go. I might move in Feb. I might move in 10 years, and I told him that repeatedly.

He went home and I wallowed about no sex. We continued texting every day like nothing had happened, until finally on Saturday I pulled my courage together and asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner as I was making homemade spaghetti and meatballs. (Nugs: I'm in.) He was like "I don't think for dinner, but I'll come hang out later."

This is when all my red flag whistles and bells started going off. I come from a "He's just not that into you" school of dating and in the movie they even say "If he's not sleeping with you he's just not that into you." And dammit if he isn't sleeping with your or willing to eat your food there is a problem. So I confronted him on it and while he said that:

• "You're awesome and cute and smart and funny and nerdy and witty"
• "I like everything about you"
• "I'm attracted to you"

He just doesn't feel a "fire" for me- basically he friendzoned me. Now I'm the kind of girl that takes people at their word. Nugs tends to have a different perspective on what men do and why they do it.

Nugs: I came to the reasonable conclusion that he is blind, deaf, mentally retarded and also gay. Oh, and has a small penis.

Lily: +1 on everything, and X1000 on the small penis. Or no penis.

I say exactly what I think and do and I don't hide behind excuses. So when he says he's just not that into me, I take his word at that.

Nugs: Seriously, I think it's the opposite- he IS that into you. He really likes you, but doesn't want something that will end when you (supposedly) leave the state in six months. It's a bullshit excuse, and also one that reeks of "I'm really a girl," but whatever. You're his perfect girlfriend, but he's too afraid to get involved because, like he said, there's an "end date." Whatever. Move on, see other people, and hopefully eventually he'll come around. If not, it's his loss.

I told him I still really liked him and that if his feelings changed he could call me, but I was going to start seeing other people. So internet world, what do you think?

Ginny: See other people. This guy wouldn't eat your home cooking and you deserve someone who is knocking down your door! I agree with Nugs. Small penis?