Thursday, October 18, 2012

Tits Says: Dear Abby Is Wrong

So I was reading Dear Abby the other days (as I often do) and I came across this one and all I could think was "Dear Abby is wrong." So I copied and pasted it for you:

Man Hopes Wife Outgrows Drunken Girls' Nights Out By Abigail Van Buren |

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for eight months. She has an occasional habit that makes me wonder whether we got married too young. (She's 23, I'm 27 and we're both in graduate school.) She likes to go out with a group of her friends from high school or with her sister and her sister's friends, get drunk and stay the night. It doesn't happen all the time -- several times a year -- and I'm not worried about her cheating on me. I try not to be the controlling husband and say she "can't" go out. But it bothers me that she wants to spend the night with her single friends and get drunk. If I try to talk to her about it, she gets angry and says she doesn't get to see her friends very often. I don't understand why her socializing always has to involve drinking and staying out all night. Her sister is my age and has a career in education, but still likes hosting these parties. I wonder how long it will take my wife to outgrow this phase. Am I being controlling? What should I do? -- GETTING FRUSTRATED IN PONTIAC, MICH.
Nugs: Granted, if I lived in Pontiac, MI I would probably be frustrated, too.

Sorry, go on. 

 DEAR GETTING FRUSTRATED: Your wife appears to be trying to hold onto her carefree single days, and it's a shame she can't do that without getting herself soused and staying out all night. On the other hand, if she's in no condition to get behind the wheel, then it's better that she not drive until she sobers up. I don't think saying what's on your mind is "controlling." I suspect your wife becomes angry because she is defensive. Her behavior is immature, and how long it will take her to outgrow this "phase" is anybody's guess. I recommend that you both widen your circle of friends so you spend more time with other married couples who are more mature than your wife's sister and high school friends appear to be.

Now I love to read Dear Abby most of the time just to see if she gives the same advice I would give. And in this case Abby and I couldn't be any further apart. I'm giving Dear Abby a:



Personally I think Frustrated is insecure and -yes- controlling. His wife is 23 years old and in graduate school. The girl has her act together and I don't think she is doing anything wrong by wanting to have a few girls nights out with her sister and friends several times a year. It's not like its every other week, its probably like once every other month.

Then OMG she is being responsible by not drinking and driving and staying at her sister's place.

Ginny: Now I wonder if she really gets drunk or if she's having a few and staying over her friends house. Either way she's not driving home after drinking and this happens a few times a year. Why doesn't he go out with his guy friends once a month? It seems to me that he's most upset about her not coming home after. Then offer to pick her up later and drive her home?

Nugs: Really. It's her sister- who, BTW, has a respected occupation and isn't some deadbeat alcoholic- and not some some random asshat from the bar. How about the next time your wife gets sufficiently hammered she gets behind the wheel and causes a horrific accident? Awesome.

This isn't about reliving her single days. It's about wanting to go out and have a good time and a few drinks with her friends without her husband in tow (who would probably be a buzzkill. Nugs- Ugh. Totally). I went to graduate school and it is incredibly hard and frustrating and sometimes you want to go out and drink. I used to go out with my female friends (most engaged or married) without their husbands all the time. They were married not leashed to their husbands. It isn't a phase, its called going and having a good time and she doesn't need to grow out of it. They don't have kids. It's not like she's leaving a toddler home alone, she's leaving her 27 year old husband.

Nugs: Or judging from the tone of this email, she pretty much is leaving a toddler. 

I'm currently the token single girl at SAS, but when I am seeing someone, I need my girl time (and my alone time) just as much as my sexytimes. It's always important to keep your friends when you're in a relationship because seriously, who are you going to bitch to when your boyfriend inevitably fucks up?


Speaking of her boyfriend, it sounds to me like Frustrated either doesn't have a lot of friends or just doesn't like going out. I mean I love my Boyfriend but he's an introvert and sometimes he doesn't want to go out to the clubs drinking and dancing with me. So I should stay home and pander to him because I can't go out with him? Sure sometimes we go out with other couples, but he likes to have boys nights with his friends and I like to go out with mine and there is nothing wrong with that. It's called being in a stable relationship where you can still be your own person.

Ginny: I'm picturing frustrated  pacing back and forth starting at the clock on the wall waiting for his wife to come home.

Nugs: Yes. Also do you guys find it really weird when a guy has no friends at all and wants to spend all his time with you? Always? Stalking...it's what's for dinner.

Unless it's lobster dinner; then I'll pretty much do whatever the fuck he wants.

So Dear Abby: You are wrong. It's not the 1700s and woman are allowed to go out without their husbands and Frustrated needs to loosen up.

Ginny: If this was a girl writing to Dear Abbey I bet she would be told she was being paranoid and guys will by guys. Who loves double standards! So much fun! 


2 comments:

Delightfully Awkward Brittany on October 20, 2012 at 9:41 AM said...

While I agree that everyone needs time with their friends and controlling=bad, it sounds like the main issue is that this bothers the husband and the wife isn't willing to even acknowledge his feelings. Maybe he is being irrational, maybe he is insecure, but they've been married less than a year and are still very much in an adjustment phase. If they don't start communication clearly & respectfully, the marriage isn't going to last. That's why relationships, marriages especially, are so damn hard- because you have to think of someone other than yourself to make it work. I'm not saying to give up everything to please your partner, but realistically you have to compromise in order to have a successful relationship. Some people value complete independence more than a successful relationship, and that's fine, but know that and don't get married.

Penny Lane on October 26, 2012 at 11:41 AM said...

Abby is wrong!!
I mean, he said several tomes a year! That is not a lot and she is young, and he is young! I mean it is one thing if she does this every weekend, but come on!

I wouldn't call him controlling but I mean getting drunk with the gals several times a year is just fine. I would say, if I were Abby, that he should understand that they are BOTH young and need time to socialize and that when she makes plans with the gals several times a YEAR, he should make plans with the guys. So they both stay close with their friends, and not isolate everyone.

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