Tits Says: Dear Abby Is Wrong

So I was reading Dear Abby the other days (as I often do) and I came across this one and all I could think was "Dear Abby is wrong." So I copied and pasted it for you:

Man Hopes Wife Outgrows Drunken Girls' Nights Out By Abigail Van Buren |

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for eight months. She has an occasional habit that makes me wonder whether we got married too young. (She's 23, I'm 27 and we're both in graduate school.) She likes to go out with a group of her friends from high school or with her sister and her sister's friends, get drunk and stay the night. It doesn't happen all the time -- several times a year -- and I'm not worried about her cheating on me. I try not to be the controlling husband and say she "can't" go out. But it bothers me that she wants to spend the night with her single friends and get drunk. If I try to talk to her about it, she gets angry and says she doesn't get to see her friends very often. I don't understand why her socializing always has to involve drinking and staying out all night. Her sister is my age and has a career in education, but still likes hosting these parties. I wonder how long it will take my wife to outgrow this phase. Am I being controlling? What should I do? -- GETTING FRUSTRATED IN PONTIAC, MICH.

Nugs: Granted, if I lived in Pontiac, MI I would probably be frustrated, too.

Sorry, go on. 

 DEAR GETTING FRUSTRATED: Your wife appears to be trying to hold onto her carefree single days, and it's a shame she can't do that without getting herself soused and staying out all night. On the other hand, if she's in no condition to get behind the wheel, then it's better that she not drive until she sobers up. I don't think saying what's on your mind is "controlling." I suspect your wife becomes angry because she is defensive. Her behavior is immature, and how long it will take her to outgrow this "phase" is anybody's guess. I recommend that you both widen your circle of friends so you spend more time with other married couples who are more mature than your wife's sister and high school friends appear to be.

Now I love to read Dear Abby most of the time just to see if she gives the same advice I would give. And in this case Abby and I couldn't be any further apart. I'm giving Dear Abby a:

Personally I think Frustrated is insecure and -yes- controlling. His wife is 23 years old and in graduate school. The girl has her act together and I don't think she is doing anything wrong by wanting to have a few girls nights out with her sister and friends several times a year. It's not like its every other week, its probably like once every other month.

Then OMG she is being responsible by not drinking and driving and staying at her sister's place.

Ginny: Now I wonder if she really gets drunk or if she's having a few and staying over her friends house. Either way she's not driving home after drinking and this happens a few times a year. Why doesn't he go out with his guy friends once a month? It seems to me that he's most upset about her not coming home after. Then offer to pick her up later and drive her home?

Nugs: Really. It's her sister- who, BTW, has a respected occupation and isn't some deadbeat alcoholic- and not some some random asshat from the bar. How about the next time your wife gets sufficiently hammered she gets behind the wheel and causes a horrific accident? Awesome.

This isn't about reliving her single days. It's about wanting to go out and have a good time and a few drinks with her friends without her husband in tow (who would probably be a buzzkill. Nugs- Ugh. Totally). I went to graduate school and it is incredibly hard and frustrating and sometimes you want to go out and drink. I used to go out with my female friends (most engaged or married) without their husbands all the time. They were married not leashed to their husbands. It isn't a phase, its called going and having a good time and she doesn't need to grow out of it. They don't have kids. It's not like she's leaving a toddler home alone, she's leaving her 27 year old husband.

Nugs: Or judging from the tone of this email, she pretty much is leaving a toddler. 

I'm currently the token single girl at SAS, but when I am seeing someone, I need my girl time (and my alone time) just as much as my sexytimes. It's always important to keep your friends when you're in a relationship because seriously, who are you going to bitch to when your boyfriend inevitably fucks up?


Speaking of her boyfriend, it sounds to me like Frustrated either doesn't have a lot of friends or just doesn't like going out. I mean I love my Boyfriend but he's an introvert and sometimes he doesn't want to go out to the clubs drinking and dancing with me. So I should stay home and pander to him because I can't go out with him? Sure sometimes we go out with other couples, but he likes to have boys nights with his friends and I like to go out with mine and there is nothing wrong with that. It's called being in a stable relationship where you can still be your own person.

Ginny: I'm picturing frustrated  pacing back and forth starting at the clock on the wall waiting for his wife to come home.

Nugs: Yes. Also do you guys find it really weird when a guy has no friends at all and wants to spend all his time with you? Always? Stalking...it's what's for dinner.

Unless it's lobster dinner; then I'll pretty much do whatever the fuck he wants.

So Dear Abby: You are wrong. It's not the 1700s and woman are allowed to go out without their husbands and Frustrated needs to loosen up.

Ginny: If this was a girl writing to Dear Abbey I bet she would be told she was being paranoid and guys will by guys. Who loves double standards! So much fun! 

Debate Class: To Do Or Not To Do

Nugs: Every so often at Snark & Sex we realize that while we're clearly experts in the dating field, we actually don't have all the answers to everything. So when I came across a minor dilemma last week I emailed the girls and they suggested I turn this into our first debate post of the blog. So if you will, read this story of my wild night out and choose your own adventure.

Lily: I've heard this story already, and Nugs knows most of what I would say ...

Nugs: So I have this friend. I'll name her Kitty due to her love of animals and also because... well, because it's a euphemism, all right? Here at Snark & Sex we don't make much with the subtlety.

I love Kitty because we don't get to hang out much (she works ALL THE TIME), but when we do, she's fucking insane so you never know what you're going to get- kind of like Forrest Gump with a bigger IQ and exponentially better jugs.

It's entirely possible that every time we go out I could wake up the next morning in another part of the country with a tattoo and an adopted litter of baby marmosets. She's also really hot so guys practically shove me into oncoming traffic just to hear her explain the website she just finished programming. Yup, she's really smart, too. So, yeah, awkward.

Anyway, this weekend Kitty and I were hanging with a few of my friends (and four puppies!) when I sensed that one of them was totally checking her out. This guy has all the stealth of a Gestapo regime so I excused myself to get a drink so they could "talk" and get to know each other better. I was gone for maybe seven minutes when I turned around and noticed that the two of them had gotten past that stage pretty quickly. I mean, I was half in the bag at this point but I know what I saw, and that, my friends, was well into PG-13. Possibly R, if I plied either of them with more beer (not hard to do, honestly).

Kitty realized I was standing near the wet bar (hahahaha), disentangled herself and assured me that she was not going to hump some random dude, even if they did have a common thread (me). She had actually told him that repeatedly, and although disappointed, Grabby Hands seemed fine with it.

Then she returned to her prior location and I, being an excellent wingwoman, sought out a new spot where the puppies were and waited for Kitty to come up for air.

Nine years later, after the owners of the house had dropped hints that it was time for everyone to haul ass back to their own place of residence, Kitty finally decided to stick her tongue back in her own mouth. As everyone was packing up their shit, Grabby Hands came over to the group and announced that he would need a ride back to Hollywood in the morning. "I can do it," Kitty piped up. "You can come over to my place."

I was pretty surprised. A) I was staying on her couch that night so I really didn't appreciate this and B) as crazy as she was, I knew for a fact that Kitty never slept with guys that she just met. Like, ever. I was shocked that it seemed like she had completely changed her policy.

So we got to her apartment, and the two of them immediately retired to her bedroom. Mercifully, her walls are pretty thick, so the only sound I heard all night was the hum of her incredibly loud AC unit. By the time I woke up, Grabby Hands was gone, and Kitty was doing work on her desktop, having dropped him off at the bus.

"Good morning," she greeted me. "Or, afternoon."

 "Uh, I bet."

"Oh, we didn't have sex. He wanted to, but you know I don't do that."

"So, what did you guys do all night? Compare POG collections?"

"What the hell is that?" (Did I mention that Kitty is 25? Fuck, am I older than everybody?)

Lily: Wait! I'm 25, and I HAD Pogs!

Ginny: Let's bring Pogs back!

Nugs: I agree. I also noticed that you guys are ignoring the "am I old" question. Moving on.

"Seriously, what happened last night?"

Kitty went on to recount the events that took place behind her closed door- she and Grabby Hands "talked" for a while, "made out" for an even longer while, and then, true to her promise, she dropped him off at the bus station. "I think he's pissed at me though. You know, because I didn't sleep with him."

Lily: As most guys would be. As if they're OWED sex. *eye roll*

Nugs: I didn't want to say anything, since I was supposed to be on her side, but, well, yeah. If you literally spend hours attached to another human being through your saliva glands and then invite them to spend the night with you, one naturally expects it to go in a certain direction, even if you've been insisting in the negative the entire time.

Don't look at me like that- I'm in no way insinuating that Kitty was obligated in any way to do anything that she felt uncomfortable doing. If she said no sex, she meant no sex. However, her actions all night definitely implied otherwise- even I assumed she was ready to get down. I can definitely understand where Grabby Hands was coming from and I can't blame him for being less than enthused the next morning. Essentially, for lack of a better phrase, Kitty acted like a tease.

So what do you guys think? Is there any way this scenario could have played out any differently? Did Grabby Hands have any right to expect anything? Should Kitty have invited him over at all? And do any of you remember any of my '90's toys?

Lily: So a part of me would be say she was being a tease. Playing tonsil hockey all night, inviting him over, and then no sex? Seems like a HUUUUUUUGE let down.

I get her stance on no sex... but still, if you weren't going to have sex with the guy DON'T INVITE HIM OVER. She could have given him a ride and he could have gotten a cab when he was actually closer to his house. But it is entirely possible that she doesn't see it as being "tease-y". Poor guy, he probably left with blue balls.  

Ginny: I have to say that if you don't want to sleep with a guy then don't invite him back and let him sleep in your bed. If she had told him he had to sleep on the couch if he came over then maybe I'd be like, ok, she made it clear. BUT he slept in her bed and they were making out all night so as most guys would, he assumed that maybe there would be sex. 

Also, you were sleeping over so she should have been like, sorry dude I have a guest.

Nugs: Any opinions from you guys, our brilliant and loyal followers? (We haven't come up with a name for you yet) Let us know what you think!